Last week has been pretty miserable for me. First, I got sick- AGAIN - (ate too much salted cashews and not drank enough water). So the sore throat came. What's more, I had a cold as well...that time I was thinking God must have hated me/wanted to punish me/test me/other let that happen to me when I had 3 more exams to go. So I was pretty down after I did my Vis Comm exam on Tuesday and had no motivation at all to study for my Art exam coming up on Friday.
Thoughts like: I'd do badly no matter how much effort I put into my revision so why bother in the first place? I might not even get the score I need to enter into Health Science and Deakin. So why bother at all?? were constantly cycling around in my mind. I could not bring myself to trust in God and His guidance during my exams and of my future; I felt that God does not want me to do well in my VCE because of some other 'greater' plan that He has for me. A plan that I will not be happy with.
But then this reminded me of the Israelites and how they complained and opposed God and His plans for them to enter into the promised land. They were faithless and ungrateful- they were proud, they did not trust God to lead them - just like me. And what did God do? He punished them again and again, still they argued and complained - too stubborn and forgetful.
That's right, forgetful of all the great things that God had done for them during the journey through the dessert - He gave them manna and quail when there was no food; water from a rock; pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day to guide and find suitable camping grounds for them; devine protection and strength against enemies and sooo much more.
Anyway, I've finally finished my 12 years of school on Friday the 14th. Amazingly, given the limited time I had to revise due to my being sick, I was able to write well for it. I guess, like Dad said, God wanted to test my faith in Him. Even though it's all over, I don't feel 'happy'. I guess I'm still a bit uncertain about my future. I don't know if I did well enough. I'm convinced I stuffed my exams...and consequently...my future. *crai* BUT in reading Exodus through to Deuteronomy; it taught me to fear God more and to humble myself to Him, letting Him drive the car that is my life. And also to not forget the countless blessings He has given me during hard times and to be patient in waiting to see the 'big picture' God has already painted, just not unveiled fully. I will continue to trust in Him, knowing that whatever He plans is in the end so much better than my own.
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