I Will Follow You

I have been rather stressed out lately - school, youth...school. Nothing I didn't expect except for the stress part =D. Unfinished holiday homework just made it worse, come to think of it, I regretted wasting my ample holiday time in front of the Wii playing Twilight Princess (still am, hahahahaha. It's nearly finished though) I have a bad habit of reading/playing something that interests me until I can't do anything else unless the game/book is finished. It seems like I cannot function properly until I get it over and done with, which is what happened with Twilight Princess and my 2 weeks worth of term break. GAH

Now, a week into term 2, I have to catch up with English essays whilst knowing that I have two important English SACs (school assessment coursework) on the 21st and the 28th April (yes, ppl i'm hinting that you pray for me, =D) And now I'm stressing over how incompetent I am in English etc etc etc. It's the same with Art, since we have too much freedom to do anything we want, I get lost and confused with what I should be doing. It's way better with all the rules and the time limits.

Conclusion: I AM WAYYY BEHIND

I also had a Psyc. SAC today and I totally and utterly stuffed up. Geez, how could I get parasympathetic nervous system and sympathetic nervous system mixed up??? I am so angry with myself because I just blown 10 marks out of 50 marks because of that. It's worth 50% of my enterscore!!! *gasp* *shock* *faint*

I guess I'm putting too much pressure on myself. But I should, it's my last year of highschool and I want to go to a decent uni. I've had it with my attitude to learning in the last few years, especially back in Msia. You don't know how lazy I was back then. I didn't finish any homework on time. The only thing I was good at (or I thought I was good at- which I'm not) was English, and what good did that do to me? I had to constantly "copy" (and edit) off my friends in essays and homework (not English though, I don't think I even finished my essays let alone hand them up). Gosh, I'm appalled at myself now that I reflect upon it.

So whilst I contemplated these things;

E.g.
"I stuffed up Psych SAC, what to doooo *palm-forehead*"

"What am I supposed to do in Art? What themes shall I pursue? What mediums to use? But I'm bad with paint, I only know pencil sketching which ain't that good enough"

"I need to finish my English essays, but I find it had to sit there and concentrate on it cos it's hard to understand"

"I must do well in all my subjects to get a good enterscore to get a Commonwealth support place for when I do uni"

"I'm not good enough to be president"

My sister too had me worried and feeling helpless. She's been having negative thoughts and it's so hard to help her especially when she wakes you up in the middle of the night and you just want to sleep but you can't anymore cos you're worried about her and ahhhhhhhh.

Stress stress stress stressstressstressstressstressstressstressstressstressstress

And now i have a big ol' red ugly pimple on my nose D: and I want it gone! Lol.

I advised Esther to stop worrying, trust in God etc etc etc. My parents too said the same thing but in different words.

But only now did I truly realize the full meaning of the words I utter so thoughtlessly to Esther. I really do need to let go fully and just lay in God's presence, with not a care in the world knowing that God has by burdens. He will look after me even though it's so hard. Even as I write this, I am still coming in terms of with what I just wrote.

Thus, I am reminded of Matthew 11:28-
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."


"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you REST."

How wonderful is that? "I WILL GIVE YOU REST" A sermon was preached on this topic just two weeks ago. I guess I thought it didn't apply to me then, but now, oh-ho it's applied to me all right, all 54 letters of it.

I heard a voice say, "Who cares about getting a high enter score, what matters is how you will serve Me by applying what you learn in uni later. You can still go to TAFE and learn the same thing, sure it will take an extra year or so but as long as whatever you're studying can be used to gratify Me then do not worry." (which means I need to focus on pleasing God and serving Him, not about getting to Uni with high enterscore so I have 'face')

That reminded me of Matthew 6:33
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

Again, another bible verse I know well but sometimes I lose the real meaning of.

So maybe if i focus on serving God, then maybe all the other things will be added unto me. Sure I would love to get a good enterscore but that's not the real point in discipleship. (I miss disciple classes. Guys if there's one near you, GO FOR IT! It was the only intense bible study that really got me knowing the REAL God not just God-is-good-He-loves-us kinda thing which He does, but that He is definitely way more than that. Disciple classes made me fear Him and made me more aware of my surroundings and what I am doing wrong or not doing at all...so yah...go disciple class! I also want to redo EE and complete it properly. Sigh, no chance here)

I know y'all just skim through the post, but heck. I feel so much better writing it. Haha. I am revitalized!! Whoo!

*scurries back to do homework*